Saturday, April 03, 2004

Saturday, April 3, 2004
Waxing Moon
Jupiter Retrograde
Pluto Retrograde

The problem with having a good night at the theatre is that you think, how can I ever give this up? The camaraderie, the adrenalin rush once the overture starts, the challenge of making sure everything works every night -- or, if something doesn’t, to deal with it quickly and with enough resourcefulness so that the audience never knows.

Yes, there are tensions in every production. Even people who genuinely like each other and enjoy working together have days where the way another person breathes is annoying. Yet there is something about working on a show that is invigorating.

That’s one reason why I feel it’s time to go. Does that make sense? I want to leave while I still love it. I look around, and I see too many people who have gotten jaded and trapped. They make a decent living, but they don’t feel that passion when they walk through the door anymore. They’re good at their jobs. They might even have fun occasionally. But they’re no longer passionate.

I’m passionate as soon as the show goes up. I love running actual cues, making actual changes, doing good work with a group of lively and talented people. But there’s too much else surrounding a production that simply no longer fits in with my goals. I don’t want my entire focus and energy poured into someone else. I want to pour it into my own work.

I will miss seeing people I enjoy every day. I will miss the rush of doing a complicated track and doing it well. Working on a show keeps me in touch with people. As a writer, I can go for days with only the characters in my work as my company. It doesn’t bother me, but that doesn’t mean it’s healthy. Going in to a show means I am forced to interact.

I do interact online in the various writers’ forums and other forums. I do interact when I go out to do research and interviews. I’m good at keeping in touch with people, and I’m good at staying in touch with friends and making plans. In fact, when I’m not in eight shows a week, I have more time to spend with the “civilians”, as I call them – non-theatre and non-writing people. I like having people from all walks of life around me. I don’t ever want to get trapped into thinking my way is the “only” way.

Yesterday, I was informed that they need to do some shuffling for today. Someone was already booked for both shows today to dress the lead; I’m going upstairs to dress other principals (the track I did last week), and that dresser is dressing one of the other leads while her dresser is out resting her foot. Tonight, the regular dresser with the rested foot comes back, the principal dresser moves back upstairs and I have the night off.

I did a little dance around the wardrobe room. Perhaps I was a bit too happy.

But this time off saves my ass. I’ll be home early enough to get some writing done. I may be too tired to get much done, but even SOMETHING is better than NOTHING.

I managed to put together on the computer an abundance affirmation for a friend who has birthday in a few days. I’ll give it to him today, while I think of it. Nothing wrong with an early birthday present, right?

I need to dig into the stack of books I still have to review. Fortunately, the stack is getting smaller. I think I’ve got a book in there about Captain Kidd, which would tie in with the Montauk articles on which I’m working.

Could I possibly be that lucky?

Today, I feel that’s a distinct possibility. After yesterday’s frustration, today I feel happy, lucky, and grateful to the universe!


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