Sunday, April 04, 2004

Sunday, April 4
First Day of the Full Moon
Pluto Retrograde
Jupiter Retrograde
Cloudy and cold

I climbed into bed last night with my books and papers. Barry Clifford and Paul Perry’s book on Captain Kidd and their search for the Adventure Galley is excellent. Clifford started the Wydah Sea Lab and Learning Center in Provincetown, MA. I remember visiting the exhibit about the ship – he did a fantastic job with that, too. I look forward to reviewing the book.

It also makes me want to read more about Kidd – in fact, Kidd has inspired the idea for another article, a play, and two short stories. I’ll have to see what else I can find out tomorrow. And beyond.

I’d like to write pieces about Gardiner’s Island and the Cedar Point Lighthouse as well.

Reading Clifford’s book did more to make me feel better than aspirin or anything else!

I woke up today, feeling fine, but wishing I could spend the day writing and researching. But, I couldn’t. I read the papers – the Islanders got the 8th place berth in the first round of the Stanley Cup Playoffs and there was an excellent article in Newsday about their coach, Steve Stirling. He was so kind and helpful when I researched the hockey books, and I’m so thrilled for his success. He’s a brilliant coach – he can get things out of players they don’t even know they have in them. And he always lets them know where he stands. Truly, the best of the best. Hockey players, in general, tend to be some of the best human beings on the planet.

Funny Cide won at Aqueduct yesterday, which is another bit of good news. He’s quite a horse. Evening Attire, another long time favorite, came in second. And, frankly, I’ve been less than impressed with this year’s Derby prospects. They’re inconsistent and they lack stamina. I better pay attention in the next few weeks, though, because the Derby is coming up and I’m certainly going to bet on it!

I fought a lot of resistance getting to the show. The train was on time – that in itself nearly made me faint. My hip hurts – probably from the raked stage, and I’m achy. But I was determined to go in there with a positive attitude and do good work, in spite of the fact that my feet took longer and longer to take each step as I approached the theatre.

Once I’m there, I have a great time. I truly love being there. The show is wonderful, it’s a good group of people, and I enjoy the work.

But, deep in my heart, I know my life is taking a different path, and I’m constantly struggling to savour the moments I have left in the theatre. I certainly don’t want to take out my frustrations with my own conflicts out on anyone there. Especially since they’re all so lovely to me.

It’s an internal battle. I try to cover it without being a hypocrite. Doing good work is extremely important to me. I take pride in my work. I’m good at what I do. And today I felt like a wishbone being tugged between the Writing Muse and the Theatre Muse.

But I wasn’t dried out, so I didn’t break.

Managed to catch the 6:37 train back to the burbs – okay, so I ran. Read the Kidd book on the way back. A friend met me at the train station. We picked up take out from a local deli – huge pastrami sandwiches on rye with mayo, potato salad and beer – and had a home-based picnic. It was so delicious! Amazing how some simple food can be so satisfying and do so much to retain perspective. I was so much happier after eating such a simple meal than I was sitting on the train.

I am an army that moves on my stomach. If I eat a chocolate chip cookie, I AM a chocolate chip cookie. That’s not necessarily a bad thing. But sometimes it’s better to be steak tartare.

Home, caught up on some e-mail, prepared for the research in Montauk tomorrow, and wrote a query to a magazine. Will pack my bag for tomorrow, set out the clothes, and get to bed early. I have to get up at five in order to get out by six. I hope the weather’s not as bad as they predict. I want another beautiful day on Long Island.

So many ideas are swirling in my head for articles. But, until these are done, NO MORE. It’s simply more notes jotted down on pieces of paper piling up on my desk.

Plus, I’ve completely reconceived my column and I can’t wait to sit down and write it.



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