Saturday, September 11, 2004

Saturday, September 11, 2004
Waning Moon
Chiron Retrograde
Neptune Retrograde
Uranus Retrograde
Sunny and beautiful

Today is the third anniversary of the attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon. It is a day of mourning. It is a day of choice – how do we live our lives from here? How can we live our lives as a memorial to those who were murdered?

Each of us has to find individual answers to those questions. For myself, I want to:
--Remember to reach for compassion before anger
--Live each day as truly to my soul as possible
--Make my own corner of the world the best it can be for me and those around me.
--Not repress or deny my grief, but acknowledge it, accept it, and use it as a building block towards something positive – even if I don’t know what that something is yet.

It’s not about living as a martyr; it’s about living as a complete human.

I’ve certainly worked with enough Vietnam Vets over the years to recognize Post-Traumatic Stress Syndrome and know that I have some of the symptoms. But I also know, from experience of working with people who have lived through trauma, that slapping a label on feelings doesn’t solve the issue. Or lessen the pain.

All we can do is live each day as fully as possible. And that doesn’t men to live it in a way that’s self-involved, but to live inclusively instead of exclusively. When our number’s up, it’s up – no matter where we are. No matter how we die, when it’s time for us to go, we’re going to go.

How do we deal with those who have no respect for life without becoming as life-desecrating as they are? I don’t have the answer to that. I’m searching for it – and I think that’s one of the reasons that, although I can no longer watch action/adventure movies with enjoyment, it’s why I’m writing more in the genre. It’s one of the aspects of life/personality/soul I’m trying to figure out. It’s an underlying theme in both Cutthroat Charlotte and Angel Hunt.

And I have no idea if I will ever find answers.

But I need to keep asking the questions and searching. Giving up only does more harm.



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