Wednesday, December 15, 2004

Wednesday, December 15, 2004
Waxing Moon
Saturn Retrograde
Mercury Retrograde
Sunny and cold

I love the cold weather – as long as it’s either sunny or snowy!

I’m feeling better – still a little off, but more like myself.

Yesterday, as I did my day work, various scenes ran through my head and I’m trying to sort them out. They weren’t scenes as in being set with character and dialogue, but situations. So now I need to find out which situations fit which stories, and then add in the characters and see how they react. At first, I thought each one might be the germ of an individual story, but the more I’m playing with them, the more I realize they are bits of something bigger – only I’m not yet sure what bits fit where.

The two little cats were very busy. During the holidays, I keep a candy dish filled on one of the tables, for anyone who stops by (I’m not a big candy person myself, unless it’s chocolate). Well, the two little ones were very busy going to and fro from the table. I couldn’t see what they were doing, due to the high chair back. I got up and walked over – and they’d filled the dish with their stuffed mice! I guess they figured if it was a dish of treats, it had to be treats for EVERYONE. Pretty cute. Um, don’t worry, all the candy is individually wrapped, so none of was contaminated by the mice!

Had some horrible nightmares last night. Left me feeling really on edge. Checked the dream catcher this morning and it needs a major cleaning. I have to stay more on top of it.

Lots of big news about the trials of Danny Pelosi, Scott Peterson, and the scandals surrounding Bernard Kerik. I haven’t come to grips with my feelings about the death penalty. On the one hand, in theory, I believe it to be a form of brutality that I believe a civilized society should not condone. On the other hand, if someone I knew and loved was murdered, I know I would want the murderer to die. Having sat on several juries and having also watched several trials for research purposes, there are so many theatrics that go on in a courtroom, and there is so much that I believe is relevant information that is revealed when the jury is out of the room that makes me question the process even more. I was fortunate, when I served on juries, in the judges handling the case, who kept a tight reign on the courtroom and didn’t let anyone get away with anything. I can understand both sides of the issue, and I have not been able to resolve my own conflicts about it. And in cases of a serial killer, such as Ted Bundy – how else do you stop someone who commits murder after murder after murder? As a citizen who is often chosen for jury duty, however, I don’t know if I could make the decision to put someone to death. I don’t know if I have the right to that decision, to play God in that way. If I’m ever put on a murder trial again, and if the death penalty is on the table, I’ll have to listen to my gut during jury selection and be very honest and very clear about my position. I hope I am never in that situation.

And as for the Kerik situation, I’d like to know why no one did their homework before the nomination. Why is everyone’s time being wasted? Vet the candidate first. You can’t tell me the government doesn’t have the resources to do it. Save everyone the pain of something like this. On the one hand, I was pleased that someone who actually lived through 9/11 here was nominated. On the other hand, I was never a particular fan of Kerik, and there was enough I remembered about how things ran under him that disturbed me at the time for me to have qualms now. But I am not particularly happy about the other candidates mentioned so far either. The job is a huge responsibility, and it needs to be held by someone with strength, common sense, a huge amount of both intelligence and imagination, who puts the country before his political career. I don’t know if we’ll be able to find someone like that.

Back to the Caribbean in the 1700’s. Not a bad place to write about on a cold winter’s day!

The thought of living someplace where daily life isn’t so much of a struggle gets more and more appealing. I realize I have it better than many, many people do in the world, and I’m grateful for what I have, and I’m working to make the necessary changes in my life. But the process is slow and difficult, and when there are, literally, millions of personal agendas concentrated in the same place on any given day (as happens in heavily populated areas), there are conflicts on many different levels, many of them unconscious.



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