Friday, January 28, 2005

Friday, January 28, 2005
Waning Moon
Saturn Retrograde
Sunny and cold

Went to bed early and woke up around 2:30 AM from a home invasion dream. What’s that about? Finally got back to sleep (after checking the doors and windows) and then overslept. But at least I feel rested.

Not a good writing day yesterday. I have a feeling today will be more of the same. I won’t get home until later tonight – the tarot client I have booked after day work wants to do the reading up at the Temple of Dendur, so . . .off we go.

I got a bit of Angel Hunt done and a few pages on Ransagh. I’m coming up to a difficult section detailing the destruction of a village. Although the character who destroys it is justified in doing so, later there will be a stiff price to pay. In order for that payoff to work, I have to set it up properly here.

Boy, when I do the revision on this one, I’m going to have to spread out all the pages and do a bunch of rearranging. The progress of the journey will stay the same, but what of the back story revealed when and where may change.

But now, I have to focus on moving forward.

Hopefully, I can pick up some 1920s music this weekend and get back into the groove with Glamourous Hearts. I’m devoting most of the weekend to it, hoping I can get a large chunk of it done. Doing it in dribs and drabs doesn’t work. Even though it’s a different process than a stage play – partially because it has to be structured in 90 second segments – it doesn’t have to be done in a single sitting. But I still need to be able to concentrate on it more intensely than I have during the past few days. I need to spend three or four hour blocks of time on it for several days in a row.

It was hard to get back on that train yesterday. But I did it. Survived it. Survived the trip home in spite of a ten minute departure delay and no heat on the train. EVERY train in EACH direction EVERY day is delayed because of “no door light.” Fix the damn lights, you morons! Supposedly someone gets on the train and checks all these things before the train is ever opened to passengers – so why does NOTHING EVER work?

Granted, the anxiety set off by the train has to do with other issues that are not train-related. I know what they are and I’m coping with them. But the sheer frustration caused by what should be a simple commute intensifies on a daily basis.

The work call was fine. It felt like walking into an alien environment. Emotionally, I’ve left the business in many ways.

I’m so grateful that my writing friends and even many theatre friends are supportive of my decision to turn down the job interview yesterday. That was a huge step for me. It was a sign to both me and the theatre community that I am serious about this transition. Part of me is scared to death, but I know it’s the right thing to do.

And I’m also pleased that I keep positive people around me, for the most part, and have cut out a lot of deadwood over the years. There were plenty of years where I surrounded myself with people who weren’t good for me. I’ve gotten better at listening to my instincts. That doesn’t mean I surround myself with “yes people” -- far from it – I prefer someone who’ll give me a respectful, if opposite point of view. But they don’t expect me to live my life at their convenience.

Finished, printed and mailed some of the copies of the quarterly newsletter yesterday. Wrote some letters. Prepared a stack of bills that will be paid today. (Oh, joy! Oh, rapture! Actually, it’s such a relief when I send out the bills that it makes me happy, although I wouldn’t describe it as either joyous or rapturous. I’d rather spend the money on books than bills).

Forgot to mention that Wednesday’s episode of Lost was a rerun, which was highly disappointing to me, but absolutely loved West Wing. Jimmy Smits and Alan Alda – wow! There’s such an ease in their work together and so much detail to both their performances.

Canon offered to replace my Multipass. I asked for new software first, to try when I do the system reinstall. If that doesn’t work, then, yes, I’ll take a new machine. And I’m grateful that they didn’t even hesitate to offer. That’s why I like dealing with Canon – they actually offer customer service!

There are all sorts of awards being developed for bloggers now. It’s my nature to be competitive – that’s one reason it was hard to turn down the star dresser interview – so often I get a chance to reach for a competitive position and I go for it and get it just to prove that I can. Grow up, already! I’m trying, I’m trying. But the purpose of this particular blog is to figure out my own creative process and share it in the hopes that it will inspire or encourage other writers. If I get competitive, I’m not sticking to my purpose. And part of this Saturn Retrograde, for me, is being true to my purpose. I’d start looking at “Award Winning” blogs and wonder if I should change mine. Many of the blogs I see are filled with links to other information instead of imparting their own information, and, frankly, they give me a headache. I want to have a conversation with the writer of the blog, in the way that, reading Pepys’s diary or Woolf’s diaries or Sarton’s diaries, I feel I have a conversation with them. Part of this whole growth cycle is to break old patterns that didn’t get me where I wanted to go.

I certainly wouldn’t turn down an award if it was offered, and I may well nominate blogs, but I can’t actively pursue the award arena without making changes I don’t want to make in my own work.

So, back to Lianna in Angel Hunt and dealing with the Demon of Gaul . . .

For a free issue of any of the above serials, click the appropriate link and download.


At 12:30 PM, Blogger Diana said...

Oooohhh... good point! I love reading May Sarton's diaries. I'll have to check out Virginia Woolf's. That helped me in my blog-focus, too, your evaluation here. I would love to create that same kind of intimate feel that you get while curled up with someone's journal. You have it here. Keep listening to your instincts. :)

At 6:17 PM, Blogger Debra Young said...

"But the purpose of this particular blog is to figure out my own creative process and share it in the hopes that it will inspire or encourage other writers."

Ditto that. And reading your blog just solved a part of my plotting process. I had a revelation and now I know how to solve my difficulty with plotting. Thank you!

I've had the same conflicted feelings about my blog--its style, how I write it, etc.--and I reminded myself that I'm doing it for me and if other writers find it interesting, that's icing on the cake. Trying to be a blog star would ruin my purpose. People are naturally competitive, but when I read those other blogs all trying to sparkle and shine, and I don't mean to offend, but I'm so reminded of high school.


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