Sunday, April 17, 2005

Sunday, April 17, 2005
Waxing Moon
Jupiter Retrograde
Pluto Retrograde
Sunny and cool

I’m exhausted.

Yesterday, doing a track I followed a year ago and never did alone was interesting, to say the least. It went okay. I had a few little glitches in the matinee, and a bigger one in the second show, which was due to a misunderstanding and something not being where I was told it was, so I ended up with the wrong piece, but I found the right piece (which had fallen down and wedged itself weirdly) and it all worked out. Everyone got onstage when they should.

My eyes hadn’t adjusted to the new glasses, and I couldn’t read any of the labels in the costumes, which also complicated things.

For the evening show, the other dresser was also a swing. She hadn’t done many performances there, but she’s very good and we clicked right into a smooth working rhythm. It’s nice to find someone with whom you can do that. I hope we get to work together more. When the chips were down, we both just rolled up our sleeves, got to it and figured it out. Always a good thing.

I missed my first train, and took the later one, and then was up far too long trying to unwind.

An exciting thing is that a dancer with whom I work on one of the shows is on the cover of the June issue of Yoga Journal! I’m very happy for her.

I’m tired today, and hoping I can pull up enough energy to do another show tonight. Thankfully, I’m off for the matinee.

It’s getting more and more difficult to divert the creative energy towards shows. There used to be an internal switch – about three or four hours before a performance, the switch would go off and the adrenalin would start pumping and the focus would move towards the show. Now, I’m scribbling until the last possible minute, and often working on the train, and it’s a huge jolt to walk into the door of the theatre. I still love the work, but I don’t have 400% of myself to give to both the writing and the theatre. And the writing has to come first.

It’s something I’ve mentioned before: I’ve spent a lot of years putting my primary creative energy into other people’s projects, and now it’s time to take what I’ve learned and focus on my own.

I also have to sit down and do some real planning for the serials. I have some serious decisions to make about how much longer I want them to run, and whether or not I want to renew my contracts this fall. There are some things that are starting to rankle. I’m not sure if it’s something that can be worked out in frank discussion with the editor, or if I’ve simply gone as far as I can go, on several levels, with these pieces and it’s time to move on. It’s not a decision that can be made in a day, or even a week. It’s something that has to be mulled over, worked out on paper . . .and I have to trust my instincts. I don’t want to make a decision I’ll regret simply because certain aspects frustrate me right now. But I also don’t want to lock myself into something that’s going to sap so much energy that I can’t do anything else. I want to make an intelligent, informed decision, not let things simmer until they explode.

Just what I need. Multiple crossroads.

I’m going to try to dash out and do a quick walk on the beach, then more work on Widow’s Chamber and then off to the show.

Lots to think about. Perhaps all the travel I have scheduled for May will help. A change of scenery usually does.



At 12:58 PM, Blogger Debra Young said...

It's wise to not make a decision based on the aggravation of the moment. Your instincts will prod you in the right direction and when you do decide, it'll be right, and you won't have the uncertainty and possible regret later.


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