Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Tuesday, August 16, 2005
Waxing Moon
Pluto Retrograde
Chiron Retrograde
Neptune Retrograde
Uranus Retrograde
Cloudy and cooler, but still quite warm

My SO summed it up with his usual quiet succinctness as he handed me a glass of 15 year old single malt scotch: “Sometimes, it just all sucks.”

My publisher is looking into why the book went out without cover, etc. I continue to urge her to put it on Payloadz – the ebook market is very competitive, and there are protocols.

And, I have to decide what to do in the next contract cycle. I don’t want to just walk away from unfinished projects – I will only associate them with pain and won’t get back to them. Unfinished projects weigh one down. Of course, the way I feel right now, my spirit alone could take me to Davy Jones’s locker, but that’s something else.

I got some good advice from Mik, Brenda, and Sagie—thanks a lot for listening. I appreciate it. I did an interesting online tarot reading on it – because I wanted that separation in drawing the cards. Perhaps I’ll talk about that sometime in the future.

Of course, when there’s a blow like this, the Insecurity Goblins come out in full force, poking and chattering. “Who do you think you are, calling yourself a writer?” “Why are you even dabbling like this?” “If you’re such a good writer, why don’t you have a shelf of books up at Barnes and Noble?” and on an on. That’s when it’s up to the Business Angel and The Creative Angel to grow twenty feet tall and stomp on them.

The Business Angel is sitting down weighing and balancing everything; The Creative Angel is merely sitting thoughtfully, trying to work it out. My Guardian Angel (quite a character, let me tell you), stalks around muttering and plotting. My muses are lovely and sympathetic – they told me to take the day off (even though I’m working at the theatre) and they’ll have a nice, cold pitcher of vodka martinis waiting when I return. The cats weave around, knowing that I’m upset and not sure what to do. Elsa licks my nose; Violet brings her favorite toy (because anything can be solved with just the right toy), and Iris rolls over and waves her paws in the air going, “I’m so cute? Don’t you just want to rub my tummy? I’m so cute, doesn’t that alone solve everything?”

My SO thinks it’s getting a little crowded in here.

So, I’m taking the day off from writing. And I’ll do my thing at the theatre, but, hopefully, I can just stay upstairs in my corridor and keep interaction to a minimum.

I need to figure out where this work figures in my long-term goals and plans, and that’s not something that can be done when I’m upset. I know I’ll be worrying it like a loose tooth all day, but maybe I can distract myself with something else.

Or not.

Spending a bit of time being miserable will, in the long run, be better than pretending everything is all okay, repressing it, and having it burst out as something ugly later.

Hopefully, a good, long workout later will help, too.

I will update 13 Journals and the other projects in a day or two.

The Thirteen Traveling Journals Project
The Place and Space Journal Project


At 10:49 AM, Blogger Michelle Miles said...

I like your SOs comment - Sometimes it all just sucks. I will have to remember that for the future.


At 7:31 PM, Blogger Ann said...

Hope all seems better soon. But this was a fascinating story - your muses, your cats, your SO, and your creative and business angels - incredibly original.


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