Saturday, December 17, 2005

Saturday, December 17, 2005
Waning Moon
Saturn Retrograde
Cloudy and cool

Time to send out more resumes. I’ve had it with the show. I’m tired of being set up to fail – put into a position where I can’t possibly do a good job. Things change there on a daily basis – if I haven’t done a track in six weeks, much less six months, it’s like a completely different show. I’m tired of them hiring inexperienced people because they’re cheap, and I’m tired of the egos and attitudes these legends in their own minds bring.

Yesterday wasn’t bad – I’m training someone who’s very good. Today will be hell in a laundry basket.

And I’m going to say no from now on when they try to put me in this position – which they will continue to do, even when I protest, because I manage to get through it. The assistant gave this big talk yesterday about how he taught some young ones how important it is to say no – wonder how he’ll feel when I use it with him?

There’s too much going on in my life right now to indulge anyone else’s ego. Period.

The train ride back was miserable last night – a car full of noisy drunks returning from their work’s Christmas party. Typical suburban idiots – absolutely convinced that, because they work for a corporation and buy designer clothes, they’re fascinating. Therefore, when drunk, they want to be as loud as possible to let everyone else know how “fabulous” they are. In reality, their intellect can fit onto the head of a pin; they may spend a lot of money on their clothes, but they don’t know how to put together a look; and their souls are as shallow as sidewalk puddles.

I understand the concept of boredom when I see people like that, because they’re incredibly boring individuals. It’s one thing to have small talk – it’s quite another to have a small mind.

This group epitomizes the people whose best years were in high school, where they were big fishes in small ponds (usually because of Daddy’s money) and everything they do tries to recapture that past glory. I’d feel sorry for them if they weren’t so horrible to the people around them.

Then, on the other side of that spectrum, in the station, I saw a father and mother who’d just taken their kids to their first Broadway show. It happened to be the show on which I’m working. And they were all so excited. The parents were just as excited as the kids, about every aspect of it. To hear someone about nine talk excitedly about the set and the lighting as much as the actual performance is pretty cool. To hear parents ask questions that encourage their kids to think about what they’ve seen on a deeper level is even more exciting. And then, to see the smaller girl (I think she was seven) stop to give a hand up to someone else’s well-wrapped toddler who had on so many winter clothes the poor kid fell over was pretty great, too.

Hopefully, those two girls will end up following their dreams – not stuck in a corporate job they’re afraid to leave, or married to some guy who works a corporate job and thinks just because he does so and brings home a paycheck, he doesn’t have to do anything around the house and whenever she follows her dream it’s “a cute hobby”, but it better not interfere with anything he wants to do.

Anyway, in spite of today’s stress, I hope to sneak away during dinner and get some writing done.

Transit-wise, looks like I’ll be able to get into the city for Monday night’s show, and then I may have to stay for a few days. I’m going to bring a suitcase and the Christmas presents for people in the city, and some writing, and take it from there.

I am having a viciously difficult Saturn retrograde.

I’m coming home after Friday’s second show if I have to damn well walk those 25 miles.
I am spending Christmas at home.



At 1:04 AM, Blogger Diana said...

I fell in love with that family...

At 11:53 AM, Blogger Eileen said...

I've been to Toys R Us on a Christmas Eve. I don't remember why I was there, but I remember the loud, drunk corporate types who were tossing toys into shopping carts without even looking at them. Now, that's being a parent - waiting until Christmas Eve to do your shopping and then doing it without any intent.

When I talk with someone, I like to communicate with them. You mention small talk - chatting is one thing, but listening to someone talk to themselves, basically, on the guise that they're talking to you is something I won't participate anymore. I used to go along for the ride, and pretend that it was alright for people not to be honest in their communication, but I won't deal with it anymore. So often I overhear people who are having "a conversation", but what it is in truth is a group of people talking to themselves, about themselves.

Being set up to fail isn't healthy for anyone. I wish you a lot of good luck and positive energy in dealing with your job search!


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