Tuesday, February 07, 2006

February 7 Part II

My SO and I have split, at my request. There’s no way I can resemble an adequate partner until The Situation is resolved. That’s going to take months, with the stress and ugliness of it escalating daily, and there’s no way around it. Plus, my SO’s work demands are getting more stressful and he’s got drama to deal with in his work. How he rises to the occasion over the next few months will define his career for the next few years. If we were in the same place, we might have a shot. But, being so far apart with such intense pressures on both of us, trying to keep a relationship going is hurting both of us instead of helping us. I know I need to be able to be in the relationship with a clear head and an open heart, and, due to The Situation, I can’t do it.

He insists on looking at this as a hiatus, and is already making plans for us for summer, when he is confident both of us will have resolved the separate issues that are all-encompassing right now. I am well aware of how extraordinary he is, and I have no doubt he will be scooped up within a week. By summer, I’ll be little more than a (hopefully pleasant) memory.

I don’t mind being unattached, and it certainly holds no fear for me. And until The Situation is resolved, that must be my primary focus. Then, I can get back to the rest of my life. There’s too much at stake, too much uncertainty, and too much daily fluctuation in facts and assumptions until then. If we’re meant to be, we will be, farther down the line, with both of us working at it. There’s no anger or betrayal or bitterness on either side, and that makes it even more difficult, if that makes any sense. He is truly extraordinary, embodying all the qualities I always wanted in a partner and never thought I’d find. And we’ve overcome quite a few hurdles in our time together.

But there’s too much at stake in my life chaos due to The Situation, and he has far too much at stake in his career for us both to go down with the ship. In his career, there’s no such thing as a do-over. Few second chances. You blow it, you’re done. I refuse to be the cause of him blowing his career because the chaos in my life is such a distraction, or because those behind The Situation try to force me to capitulate by hurting him or his career.

I’m sad, but I have to batten down the hatches and gather my energy for a long and ugly fight ahead of me in the next few months.

D.

9 Comments:

At 1:57 AM, Blogger Aelee said...

I feel for you here..I so couldnot see being without my other half..but if love love fairs true the dama may just bring you too closer together and make you closer and stronger in the end.i hope your hearts are both true and you can find the much needed happiness at such a hard time.

 
At 9:22 AM, Blogger Aelee said...

dama..drama..

 
At 9:43 AM, Blogger Lara said...

I'm sorry to hear this, but it's for the best, clearly. And of course he still holds out hope, because he's MAKING PLANS!

You two have history together. Perhaps he won't allow himself to get "scooped up" so easily?

:-)

 
At 1:24 PM, Blogger Michelle Miles said...

Always a difficult thing breaking off a relationship. I'm so sorry to hear. He sounds wonderful and optimistic and you never know where you'll end up. Hang in there.

 
At 3:32 PM, Blogger Diana said...

Oh, Devon. You are extraordinary.

Really. You inspire me in every entry.



Seeking Clarity

 
At 9:41 PM, Blogger Tenille said...

Sorry to hear about you and your SO. And I feel odd saying this, but ,wow, what a smart and healthy split... so adult. Breakups, no matter what age, always reduce me to a teenager.

Big hugs in continuing to deal with The Situation.

 
At 12:09 PM, Blogger Ann said...

Checking in late - thinking of you, with the SO and the situation. Hang in! And it does sound like (with the SO) it may all work out.

 
At 2:04 PM, Blogger Eileen said...

He may not be scooped up so easily. You know we can't predict exactly what will happen in the future, and in spite of what you're going through, you are an incredible woman and I'm sure he knows that.

I give you so much credit for acknowledging what steps need to be taken in your life to meet the demands that are placed upon you. That in and of itself is something that so many people are unable to do.

(((Hugs)))

 
At 10:35 PM, Blogger Sandy J said...

I know you will be able to get past this, Devon. Just remember you have friends out here rooting for you.

 

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