Wednesday, February 22, 2006
Cloudy and cold
Things continue to accelerate with The Situation. The Other Side ratchets up the pressure, and there’s a big showdown on Saturday.
Needless to say, my February GDRs have been completely derailed, because The Situation has demanded 98% of my energy and attention.
I also realized, yesterday, that it has opened a Pandora’s Box of other issues in my life. Typical, for a Saturn Retrograde (this one is particularly harsh). But, once the immediate danger of this Situation is resolved, one way of the other, each of those other issues must be lifted out of the box and dealt with.
I’m going to have quite a year.
Someday, there will be one book, or several books, to come out of it. But I need to get perspective and distance. Right now I have to concentrate on the daily demands.
I hope today will be relatively quiet so I can get some writing time in; tonight is another meeting.
The stress has fractured my thought/creativity process in disturbing ways. While I can speak relatively coherently as necessary, anything that is not directly related to The Situation cannot hold my attention. I have trouble focusing on reading or writing. I try to meditate, but cannot calm the thoughts. And the thoughts aren’t complete thoughts – a thought begins, fractures into several additional anxieties. The anxiety multiplies like a virus. It is an extremely odd and disquieting sensation. I can’t do yoga, because I can’t hold a pose. The thoughts fracture and multiply and I wobble.
The next few days will get truly ugly; there will be a showdown on Saturday. Then we hopefully will have a better idea of what the next few months will bring. Do we have any breathing space? Or will we immediately need to regroup?
The tarot has spoken to the issues raised, but I can’t seem to put together all the pieces of it. There’s something I’m not seeing – a piece of the puzzle in front of me to which I’m blind.
Thanks so much to my wonderful friends, both immediately beside me in person and those online. Your support through such a difficult time is greatly appreciated.
Hopefully, soon, this blog can get back to discuss my writing process. Right now, it is more of a non-process. But, by at least attempting to blog, by making a few minutes to put keystrokes on screen, I’m not abandoning the writing.
My hope for today is that, provided I can maintain quiet, creative, uninterrupted sacred writing space, I can regain some equilibrium. I think the anxiety that harms the writing causes more anxiety because I’m not writing and perhaps I can reverse some of that spiral today.
PS I would like to clarify my disagreeement regarding the sale of six ports in the US to the UAE. I don't think that US ports should be sold to ANYONE outside of the US. I think they should remain in our own country's control. Ports are too vital to our economy and our security, and should remain under home control. And it is absolutely the citizens' and Congress's business -- the suggestion that the President can make such a decision without answering to the people or to Congress goes beyond offensive. He's our employee, not our dictator.