August 8 Part II
I’m having a forgiveness dilemma.
We’re not perfect. I am less perfect than most. I also try to live my path, and part of that is trying not to hold a grudge unless absolutely necessary – I’m not going to suddenly become buddies with The Evil Ones in the Situation, for instance.
When I screw up (and I do, often), and I find out about it/realize it, I apologize and attempt to make amends. Sometimes it works; sometimes it doesn’t. But the apology is genuine and so is the penance.
This is a smaller-scale dilemma. I believe that I am owed an apology from X, who treated me rudely a few weeks ago. I decided to shrug it off and simply ex-communicate X from my Universe. X was on the fringes anyway, no big deal.
Now, through a third party, I’m presented with a set of excuses for the bad behavior. Still no apology, just excuses.
My intuition tells me that these excuses are a bunch of b.s. If I wasn’t paying attention to the timeline of the communications, I might buy it. I might give the benefit of the doubt. But the timeframe in which these excuses crop up don’t match the timeline of what happened. So, I think it’s b.s., and X simply wants to make sure I’m not permanently alienated in case I might be useful at a future date.
In other words, I feel I’m being played. Set up.
That’s what my gut is telling me, and my intellect has found evidence to back it up.
Yet, if I am truly going to follow my path, aren’t I OBLIGATED to forgive? Does it still count as forgiveness if I shrug it off, and not hold a grudge, but make sure that X remains outside my Universe? Isn’t the definition of forgiveness truly letting go? Is it letting go if the memory remains lodged in my soul and I continue to believe X is devious, and choose not to be set up?
Since these are truly not rhetorical questions, I am interested in other opinions. Ultimately, I think I will have to go with my gut, even if it is not the path of true forgiveness, out of sheer self-preservation. If that’s yet more proof of my flaws, then so be it.
But I am genuinely interested in other opinions on this.