Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Tuesday, November 14, 2006
Waning Moon
Neptune Retrograde
Uranus Retrograde
Mercury Retrograde
Rainy and cool

My colleague’s death has hit me hard. We worked on the same shows over a period of years. Although we didn’t spend much time socializing, we liked and trusted each other professionally, and it’s difficult to imagine the theatre world without him. The reality that we will never spend time backstage together, or on a special event together, getting it done, laughing, dealing with whatever comes up - - it’s overwhelming.

HG called yesterday to apologize for scaring the heck out of me on Sunday night. We had a good talk about it, my colleague’s death (which made our argument seems so silly and petty), and my request that he not try to salve his wounded pride in the way I expect him to. I told him I know he’s good at his job and I know his skills in that arena are better than mine. But I also spent eight months fighting people who wanted to destroy everyone in this building for personal gain (resulting in one elderly resident’s death), and I still have the knee-jerk reaction – if I feel threatened in any way, I’m going to turn and fight. It never occurred to me on Sunday that the person in the car behind me might have my safety in mind – my first response was that it was a threat, and I was going to face it and deal with it. It’s my baggage, it’s my damage and not anyone else’s problem, but that’s the way it is. I’d rather get it all out in the open than play games. Relationship drama is for the page, not for my life.

Found it very hard to concentrate. Kept thinking about my colleague.

Managed to get a bit of work done on the Plum essay, and on Untitled Whatever. Tried to work on Token and Affections, but had trouble dropping back into that world. Declan and Elmira are not pleased with me.

Ordered ME Ellis’s Charade and Garou Moon, and Zinnia Hope’s Honeysuckle and Roses. It’ll be awhile before I can actually read them, but at least I have them.

I was so blue I even cleaned up most of my desk and the kitchen table.

This morning, I set the alarm for 6 AM and got up to write. Since I had to get my pages done early or go to the theatre in my pajamas. Chapter 11 flowed easily, and, had I the time, I would have liked to start Chapter 12. But I refrained. I broke 37K today, just, so hitting 37,500 by tomorrow should not be a problem.

The characters for Morag’s B-story line are so interesting I may have to put them in a piece of their own somewhere down the line. They are respectful enough not to try to take over this piece, but Amanda, in particular, is fun. Since Morag won’t be in New York by the end of Assumption, if I want to make her a part of it, either it has to happen before this episode in her life, or Diana, Amanda, and Sylvie join her elsewhere. Or, if it happens after Assumption, Morag’s not in it at all, and a new character joins them. That’s my instinct. But I don’t want to get distracted. I’m within striking distance of hitting my goal of 50K by the 20th, and I don’t want to deviate from my purpose.

In my daily missive to the adoptees, I talked about how I structure my life to support the writing, not the other way around. Sometimes, it makes it harder to pay the bills, since all of that is on me and not a husband or partner, but it’s not something I’m willing to compromise. I spent too many years going beyond compromise into capitulation, and that stops now.

I have to dig up some velvet I promised to bring in for my friend A, shower, dress, eat, clean out the litter boxes, etc., and move on with my day. I really want to keep working on Assumption, but that will have to wait until tomorrow. Maybe, if I get everything done and I have a few minutes before the train, I can do a few more pages . . .


Assumption of Right – 37,017 words out of 50,000 (Nano goal)
Zokutou word meterZokutou word meter
37 / 50

Assumption of Right – 37,017 words out of 85,000 (completion goal)
Zokutou word meterZokutou word meter
37 / 85


At 8:46 AM, Blogger Lara said...

Devon, my condolences on the loss of your friend. But I'm sure he felt cared for and loved at the end.

At 2:06 PM, Blogger Sue said...

My sincere condolences on the loss of your friend and colleague.

I'm glad you and HG had a chance to talk it out. It's hard to let go of that old garbage that makes us wary, but I likely would have felt the same way. Sadly, life has taught us to be vigilant and it will take a special person to cut through that and teach us to trust again. I hope HG is strong enough to be that guy.

At 2:19 PM, Blogger Melissa Marsh said...

I'm so sorry for the loss of your friend. Allow yourself the time to just take a step away from the daily grind and remember him. It's ok if you don't get a lot of writing done or anything else at times like these, IMO.

At 8:19 PM, Blogger Ticketowl said...

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